I’ve been self-reflecting a lot lately. Trying to organize my personality, taking the mbti quizzes, taking more buzzfeed quizzes (which are so cute), and even looking in the book The Wisdom of Your Face by Jean Haner. You’d think that you’d understand yourself a little bit more after all that, but that’s not the case. Not at all. I’m actually more confused by my own self than before. In fact, I’m worried that I might have some horrible, self-destructive vice that could end up bringing me down. Something like Odysseus’ ego, maybe.
After talking to one of my friends, I decided to do an experiment. What do you associate me with when you think of me? What are my good traits? And my horrid flaws? I chose three people, two close friends and my begrudging lab partner. I promised them 110% immunity to anything that they said—being honest even if it hurts my feelings—and I’m actually satisfied with the results.
Good traits? I have plenty. Well—at least like, two. I’m pretty generous, offering people help with homework or letting people borrow stuff. I also take pride in being very flexible. I try to understand as much of something as I can, so my opinions and thoughts are always changing due to new information or some late night coffee-induced epiphanies.
I admit, as flawless as I am, I still have some faults. I’m very insecure of the things I do, for example I always ask my friends for help on art because I think it’s not good enough. Which also leads to the fact that I’m somewhat, kind of, really dependent on others. Yikes. And, one of my greatest vices—oh no—would definitely being over-analytical. Someone didn’t text back? They must not want to be friends with me. Double yikes.
D: Okay, you’re always chill and help other people keep their calm and reassure them, but when the pressure and heat get to you, you start melting down. Sometimes, I guess you can’t help everyone so you end up disappearing until things start to cool off.
Me: That sounds like a bad trait.
D: Not really, you just don’t do well under pressure. Besides that you’re perfect.
S: In my opinion, you’re as sweet as pie. You have this…colorful and kind personality which defines you. And your humor (more like lame jokes) can make anyone smile and laugh. The fragrance of a freshly baked pie is similar to your presence in the room. Your charming qualities make you absolutely lovable.
Me: Aww, that’s so cute. But…my bad traits?
S: You’re a little loud and sometimes hyper but I think that’s what people like about you.
V: You’re not a good liar, not at all.
Me: Wouldn’t people normally consider that a good trait?
V: Yeah, but…you could still be better.
After seeing this, I’ve decided to attempt to fix, improve, or work on these flaws. I’m not going to stop with the lame jokes though. I really do want to become a better person and getting constructive criticism from another person who sees how I really act is a big help. If I look at this a couple months down the read, I hope to be able to say that I’ve changed, in a good way.